The last couple of days here I have been fighting with a deep hurt, yet I had no idea what it could be. Last night I got to practice The Soul Workout Workshop with Kyle Cease. I have been shown once again that we do need others in our lives, to help us to move forward and grow. This video might have been long, but it was so worth the exercises in it! I really found profound growth and a big break through. As I did the 12-minute talk to your heart meditation I could really hear my heart speaking to me on those issues that had me stuck. I sat there talking to my heart out loud and was crying buckets of tears. I want you to know that when you talk to your heart, open and honestly, and then really stop and listen, you truly know it is your heart speaking and not your mind.
The mind likes to give you doubt but the heart gives you encouragement and loves you for who you are.
There are so many dialogues going on in our heads and if you don’t stop, shut out the distractions and really have a heart to heart with yourself you will stay stuck in the situation you are in. I witness this these past couple of days. I was doing really well and then BAM I hit a wall of frustration and anger. I had no idea how to get around it I am now realizing that I am not supposed to get around it. I need to face it with my arms wide open and love it.
Last night as Kyle was leading us through our hurts, fears, insecurities he taught me a great tool to use. I would like to put a small taste of what he taught here in the written word… but would recommend you watch his YouTube video. I have included the link down below. There are times I like to outline what I am learning I am better with the word on what I have learned.
First and foremost this is not my work this is the work of the brilliant Kyle Cease and all credit goes to him and his team. I just want you to see what I learned and put into practice. I love You, Kyle, you be the man!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f_vALpvRMY&feature=youtu.be
The first part of what he had us do is probably when I saw the most peace come about for me. I believe that when we can figure out what is going on with us, we have the power to heal it. My work with Herbs, plants, sounds, scents and the whole body healing is very connected to this practice. Once we know what we are up against we have power over it and we can heal it. I have bear witness to this many times with my many health challenges.
So He had us write down how we felt at that moment, you could be happy, depressed, fearful, angry, excited, the list goes on…. My first thoughts were I feel Trapped, Bored, relaxed, lost. The biggest feeling word for me was Lost. Okay, why the lost feeling I started to wonder? Then Kyle told us to Enjoy where we are at, at that moment. More thoughts came to mind. My lost feeling was that I feel like I am being left behind. I am not needed as a mom anymore, I am not getting to go on the trips they have planned I feel like life is leaving me behind.
Next question: Where are you feeling this word in your body? I felt the word lost in my shoulders, neck, jaw, and stomach. My feelings of feeling left behind and that I haven’t done the things I wanted are slipping away. I am going from one form of me to another but I don’t know how to do that. And I love that <—— this is what Kyle said to say after we say a problem or a thought. I am losing me and changing into someone I do not know… and I love that. That saying at the end of your problems feels weird it really does.
For three minutes we were to stop and tell our hearts our concerns, worries and then I had to sit and listen to what my heart had to say. How do you know it is your heart? Your heart won’t tell you how wrong you are to have these feelings, in fact, you hear it’s OK from your heart.
Message from my heart: It’s OK to have these feelings, it will be all right and here is what you can start by doing. I need to start doing my own things, my own trips my own fun times and to enjoy my journey from motherhood to crone ( the crone archetype in a positive light, as a powerful and wise old woman). I am to have a different relationship with my kids. We are not parent and child anymore. We are to become friends. I don’t need to tell them what to do, and I sure don’t want them to be trying to gain my approval on anything. I am so damn proud of them I could bust. No matter what they are doing, and I am honored to be in their lives.
There will be times I will do things with them we will do family activities. I was already seeing that but still through the eyes of a mom. It is just a transitional time for me, and one that is both joyous and heart breaking. I want to focus on the joy and love the heartbreak so that I may transition faster in my growing way. Not speed by but not dwell in it either.
As the workshop continued I had more revelations come up. MY fear of losing who I am, the fear of seeing my mom keep deteriorating from her illness and me not being able to help. I am afraid of getting a job and losing my freedom to create, my fear that I will not recover from my illnesses. Yet as all these fear came to the surface I felt more peace than fear; again that being that when you can see what the problem is you can heal it.
The next step Kyle had us do was sit with all these fears and put at the end of all thoughts the words, and I love that!! When we can love it we can heal it. Then you sit and you have a conversation with your heart again. Stop and listen… and love it!
There are many things we can use to get us back to our heart and get out of the trap of distractions. Here is but a short list and I am sure that you can add more to it for your own use.
- Feel your heart center… that place where our sensation of who keeps your heart beating, maybe God, Goddess, Buddha, universe, whom ever you think of as the one who keeps your heart beating.
- Music, nature, gardening, walks, making things, singing, watching Kyle Cease, reading JP Sears, spending time with your dogs, eating good whole organic foods….
- Let go of those who you think you need, Fill in your voids with love from your own heart. Those around you shouldn’t need you and visa versa.
- Give yourself some challenges for your betterment, I have my 100 days of meditation and blogging, I will be adding green juice and less snacking late at night.
The workshop continued with a 12-minute meditation… I didn’t feel like I could make it for 12 minutes but as I sat there and talked to my heart out load, the time flew by, and I was wanting to meditate longer.
My heart message: You don’t have to listen to what people say it’s your choice if you want to. YOU are a grown up and don’t have to do or hear what they have to say. Your perfect just the way you are and I am to say that 3 times a day. Enjoy all you do in your day-to-day things, don’t do them because you feel like you have to. Do them because they make you happy. Let go of the fears and let them run their course and love it. Then I thanked my heart for loving me and helping me through my troubles and fears.
The last exercise for the night was called the Kalago exercise, it is where you imagine your life a month or a year from now. You see yourself accomplishing what you are wishing or dreaming of. I will share my Kalago with you:
I remember a year ago when I started a 100-day challenge of writing a blog for each day and meditating. I am so glad I did because I put all those blogs together and wrote a book that turned out to be a New York Times best seller. I Also won Publishing clearning house at the end of June 2017, I took the kids to Universal studios to celebrate. What was so great is that Buffy and Auddy got to go as well and I and Buffy have had a coming to hearts moment, and are having the best relationship of all time. Me and my husband decided to go our own way and it was the best decision for us, we are so much happier and we even stay in touch. I have gained ground on my illness and feel better than I have ever in my whole life. I am working out more and take nice long walks with the dogs. I have a trip to Ireland planned with Josh and Aaron later in the year and I am working on my next book. I kept my house and got new windows and insulated the enclosed porch. I make my own CBD medicines and am teaching others how to heal with CBD. It’s amazing to me how meditating and allowing myself to heal has changed my whole world in just a year. I look forward to continuing my meditations and blogging, and seeing what happens next year.
What Would the Heart Say is my mantra. I say it more and more everyday. It is true that the heart will not lead you to hurt or problems. The mind loves to make that shit up all the time. It is sad that our world has made up distractions to keep our minds in a drama, painful world. When we find that one little light of freedom and can disconnect from those distractions; life opens up and we get to have a journey of a life time. Is it scary sure it is!! It’s like doing something you never did before, but once you try it it’s like the first time you did your favorite thing. You’ll fall in love with it and go back for more.
My wish is that we all find that little light and go through it, disconnect from the old teachings and hold on to the heart with a death grip.
Hope you have a magical day,