Water Diamonds

I feel like I am coming up for air again.  I have been sucked into the negativity of this world once again.  I created my issues myself.  I have listened to the underground news, and all I hear is problems, problems, problem.  Why is there no radio shows that bring us solutions, solutions, solutions? Negativity sales, not Positivity!

This radio show is on youtube live, it was cool until I realized that once the show is over, I am feeling utterly defeated.  Even when typing on the live chat it seems like everyone is stressed out and the most straightforward things get misconstrued.  I made the mistake of typing something while on my phone, autocorrected it to say Mike instead of Miki.  I pushed enter before I could correct it.  The lady that had the Miki name came back right away with my name is Miki, not mike.  I apologized and took the comment down.  I agreed with something she had written.  She goes on and says she wanted to make sure I knew she was a gal, not a guy.  I was so embarrassed.  I told her I was genuinely sorry.  Someone else starts in and tells me I should be taking some supplements three times a day.  WHY? Why did they feel they needed to get their shot in there.  Why did they have to say something nasty after a sorry was said?? I was really saddened that these people who I thought had like thoughts turned out to be so defensive and offensive.  WHY??

I was finding myself so depressed and quit doing the things I once did that brought me joy, I was pushing away and hiding from them.  I wasn’t sleeping and could not stop being angry and sad.  I went to bed last night, asked myself why I was feeling this way.  I think that we get messages from above all the time.  I think they come to us in a song, a movie and even from our own thoughts.   I was bothered by strangers that had nothing to do with my life, they were rude, and I cared why??

Last night I was watching the movie Moana, what a lovely film, the songs were so beautiful, and the message was what my heart needed to hear. The songs were so enlightening, the colors vibrate.  I found myself being carried away from the negativity I had just heard on this live youtube radio station I had been listening to. It’s as if I awoke from a nightmare. I forgave myself for giving two pennies on the show.  I excused myself for caring about what two bullies said.  I forgave myself for wasting the time I did on nonsense.  Yet that’s how quickly it can happen we just mind our own, thinking that we are learning something of value and then find out that we are sucker into hearing commercials for products they want to sell you and rude ass people who have nothing better to do but be mean.  NOPE, I am not standing for that anymore.

I love how that movie came to mind last night before I fell asleep.  I slept indeed well last night for the first time in weeks.  I made up my mind to let go of all the shows I have subscribed to and to shut off the news of the world.  I can’t do anything about it, and I have shared everything I know.  Now I need to let it go and allow others to find their way.  I was feeling empty, I have nothing left to give to anyone anymore.

When someone would find out I am living holistically, they start to tell me all that is going on in their lives.   I spend hour after hour searching my herbal books, finding ways spiritually and mentally to help those who come to me with their aches and pains.  I can’t do it anymore.  NO, it’s not a matter of money!  It’s a MATTER OF MY HEALTH!! There is only so much someone can give, I have reached my limit.  We all get worn down, I think Empathic people, spiritual healers, white light healers whatever they call themselves can become so overwhelmed with helping others that they. Grow physically, mentally, and spiritually sick.  I have witness healers who shut down their businesses and disappear from the mainstream of life so that they can recoup their own health back.  I sure can understand that.  I will be following them.

I can not save the world, I can share with it, but I can only protect myself.  I am here for one reason, it is not to sacrifice my sanity or health being upset with things I can do nothing about.  I know what is wrong with the world.

The world has lost its heart.

Indeed it hit me last night as I laid there feeling defeated, depressed and alone.  The world has lost its way because it has lost its heart.  NO ONE who has a heart could imagine hurting anyone.  Not even their enemy, those of us who do know our hearts know this as a FACT!! Our world has become a blaming ground, I am bombarded with this saying every day.  It’s the government’s fault that we are fat, it’s the government fault we are over vaccinated.  Yet I see way too many people sticking their heads in the sand, eating the same crappy food, giving excuses for allowing all the follies that are happening in there life.  Do you know that there are kids who are suing the government for global warming?  If these so call caring kids win, are they going to use the money they earn to help save Mother Earth??

These same kids using plastic water bottles, throwing their trash out their car windows, driving everywhere?  Do these kids know about GMO foods, overpriced medical insurance,  kids dying from vaccines that are scientifically proven not to work, the pesticides that everyone uses on their lawns, the nature of mother nature, or are they just claiming victimhood in the name of making a fast buck?? Shaking head.

I digress, I am not able to deal with this.

I will do my part in helping my Mother Earth, I will do all I can to save myself and share how I am doing it when it is good for me to do so.  Do I charge people for this information?  NOPE, I have not made one penny on all the advice I give.  I give more than I receive and I am grateful I was able to.   Will I continue to do so?  NOPE, I have been used and ignored, and that is ok.  I love it. It means that I need to allow others to find their way, I need to mind my own business. I am standing in the form of their evolution.  I found the information to save my life they will too, or they won’t.  I can’t tell them what to do!  I can’t it is morally wrong, each one of us has to find our own way.  It is wrong to take that away from others.  I am guilty of doing such things.  I will bow out and allow them to have their lives back.  I have to for my sake.

I will be unfollowing those things that make me feel hopeless, that preach about the despair of the world, that brings up nothing but the problems, not the solutions. I will not buy into what they are selling anymore.  I don’t want the junk that doesn’t work.  I will make my own medicines from mother Earth.   I have found my heart again.  I have discovered mother Earth, it’s time to help yourself, love yourself, be yourself.  Last night I saw my heart, she was patiently waiting for me to come back around and realize what I was doing.

Today I woke up feeling lighter, happier, relaxed… better. I will heed the message last night to love me more, step back and allow others to find their way like I did.  I saw my way, I looked up the information no one was there to spoon feed me. Gaia and I will be having more sit and talk times, I will love me more.  Mother Earth will be my confidant.  I will allow others the space they need to find their hearts again.

The snow that the spirits gave us yesterday is melting in the warm light of the sun, the evergreens have little droplets of water on its branches.  The mountains in the background are dusted lightly with white.  I am sitting in my favorite chair in my sunroom, watching those crystals fall.  I am at peace again.  I am grateful it didn’t take me months or years to recognize the plight I was in.   I am learning quicker each and every day.  I am seeing the signs and reacting to them quicker.  I forgive myself for not taking care of me sooner.

It’s time to find your heart.  It’s time to be more agreeable to yourself, let others go, don’t listen for the problems, look for the solutions, be quick to forgive yourself, stop pissing and moaning about the problems of the world, especially if your one of those contributing to them.  Want a solution, don’t be the problem.

I am off to go watch the water diamonds God created fall from the evergreen branches.


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