The shift in humanity

Oh, what an excellent time to be alive in this world.  Today marks a great time in human history, and I am so happy to be a part of it. I am so proud of all those in Colorado who are standing up for my freedom as well as theirs.  This date will be part of history, and that is a beautiful thing!

As we, the people wake up to the fact that our government does not have our best well-fare in their agendas. They care not that what they have done has caused more harm than good.  Ohh, I know there will be those out there that will disagree, and that is fine.  YOU do, you boo!!  I have no harsh feelings towards you, I only hope that one day you will look back and realize that we that stood up, that was not fearful made sure you had the right to decide what you want.

I am not against what others want. I just do not want anyone to tell me what I can or can not do.  I also will fight to make the doctors of this world live the oath they swore before getting their license.  DO NO MORE HARM!!

As I watch the people of the world, I have noticed that there are two different types of humans.  The awaken and the sleepwalkers.  There is nothing wrong with this, and I am not picking on those who are still asleep.  I know from talking to Spirit that we came here to live in a diverse world, we came to live in a world that allows us to define what we want and what we do not want.  It is those desires that help us create what we want.

It is a joy when one awakens and realizes that every day we get to create the way we want to feel, act, and do things.  Life is a joy when you think of each problem, solution, and all those things in between as plans that come up to help us define what it is we want from that day.

I have compassion for the sleepwalkers, for they are the ones who would instead leave it up to their diety or to luck. Which again is not the wrong or right way of doing things, it is what works for them.

My issue with all of this at this time in our life is those who want to push their beliefs on others, so they do not feel alone.  I am not for the herd mentality.  I am for the individual and his own wants and desires.  Am I going to go out there and kill others, that my friend is stupid, no, I do not want to stain my soul in such a manner.

This is the time that we as a people get to stand up and decide what can or can not be pushed upon us.  I do not want to tell anyone what they can do with their own bodies, and I demand the same respect! I am Holistic, so I believe in much more than being a zoo of kept animals that are not allowed to make their own decisions when it comes to their health. There that is all I will say on that subject!

Life is meant to be experienced to be joyful, and we are allowed to experience every human emotion we have.  It is our God-given right to be free to make the choices we want.

So today, as my fellow human walk for freedom demanding that the government work for us because I am pretty sure we still pay their paychecks.  We the people demand they do their jobs and allow us to be the human beings we are.  I do not remember the 10th amendment being on a need to know bases. In simple terms: Tenth Amendment. The Tenth Amendment was part of the Bill of Rights that was added to the Constitution on December 15, 1791. This amendment states that any power not specifically given to the federal government by the Constitution belongs to the States and the people.

The Tenth Amendment was added to ensure that the powers of the federal government remain limited. The writers of the Tenth Amendment wanted to make it clear that the power of the federal government comes from the states and the people, not the other way around.

When did I give them permission to put me in lockdown?  NEVER!! NOR WOULD I EVER!!

I know we could go into all the fake BS out there, but I will not be a part of that erroneous BS.  NOR will I put my readers in that position to read it anymore than we are having to right now.

It is insane to me that anyone would want to give up their rights to anyone!  If you want to stay home in lockdown that is great FOR YOU.  I do not live by those fears and will not just so I can make a few out there feel better.  I have no issues with you doing what you feel you need to do.

But let me ask you a couple of questions. Does it make you feel happy and joyful to live in a state of constant fear? Are you happy with the thought of never being able to walk outside and be around others?

If anyone should be afraid it should be me, I have one of the worse autoimmune diseases out there, I was, and I state I was very susceptible to viruses and flu. Yet I walk through the valley of death, knowing I am doing all I can to support my health and build my incredible immunity up.  I am taking steps every day to help my body do what it is supposed to do naturally.  You cannot sit there day in and day out, eating crap and stressing about this BS and expect your body to fight off viruses and the flu. Your body follows your thoughts, as well.  So, where is your heart at?

I was looking back on all the posts I had on Facebook, I could see that for the last couple of weeks I was living on a roller coaster of emotion,  one minute being fearful,  the next depressed, then very angry,  and then excited.  It is very easy to absorb all those energies.  In fact, it got so bad I started to have dizzy spells and anxiety.  I felt so sick and could not sleep without having nightmares.  I had to sit quietly and remind myself that these emotions were what I was picking up from others.  Then I went deeper and thought, were these reactions making me happy.  I try to live in a place that makes me happy. If I feel anxiety or fear, I know that this is not where I want to create from.

Life is about making decisions from a place of peace and happiness. When I create from a place of chaos, I create chaos!

I digress here.  I am writing today to celebrate a great victory. I am recording the accounts of a nation standing up for its rights to be the beings we are. I am celebrating being a part of a movement that will rock the very government we have to its knees.  I am so proud to be in this time and space.  I hope we all can look back and be proud that we stood up for not only our rights but our children and their children’s children.

Have a fantastic journey you all, and remember to listen to your heart!



The real story

I have been sitting back and watching as I take notes on how we, as people, are reacting to another Virus.  You do know that we have millions, in fact, no one knows for sure how many viruses or how many bacterias are out there. When you ask Alexa how many viruses are in the world, she tells you over 300 hundred and 80 trillion viruses, and there are more we have yet to discover.

So why now are we having such a meltdown about this Virus? Well, that is an excellent question, yet not many want to know the answer.  As we are locked down in our homes being flooded by programs that have to go through regulations, it makes me wonder what the HELL is going on??

Yes, we have a lot of information that is coming out in all different ways.  Social media, local and national news, news conferences, and then there are the speeches from a very confused president that has no medical background in any way.

Come on, you guys, even we know that you have to have some kind of knowledge about the human body!  Right??!! I’ve had to go through 4 years of anatomy just to get my Holistic Health practitioner license.  And I still am going to school for there is always more to learn.

I am a Reiki Master Teacher, and herbalist, and a life coach.  I still know that there is not one expert out there that knows it all.  NOT ONE!! There never will be! The reason why is human error.  And I thank Spirit for that.   Not one person on this earth will ever be perfect, nor know it all!!  So that is why we have an instinct.  We have that incredible gut instinct.  We ask questions, and we seek answers every minute of the day.  You are always asking questions weather you are aware of it or not.  You are always asking WHY!

So now we are all being locked up in our homes, with our toilet paper and cans of beans. WHY?  Why are we allowing the government that works for us, not the other way around!  We are allowing them to cut us off from family, friends, and loved ones. WHY??

So we do not overwhelm the er and hospitals as well as all their resources.  I say bullshit, that smells like a lie! Look what they are doing to help these people.  Nothing!  They put them on ventilators and allow them to die horrible deaths.  The medical community knows this doesn’t work. There are other ways to help, but the CDC is telling them to just wait for a vaccine that will not work.  Doctors are so frustrated because they do know how to help but have their hands tied. WHY??

What am I talking about: Every practitioner should study Hydrogen Medicine and know that mastery of the three medical gases—oxygen, hydrogen, and CO2—will deliver healthcare practitioners and patients alike into the promised land of enlightened medicine using substances that do not have side effects. It is showing great relief for those who can not breathe.  But why are we not seeing this??

How about this: A suite of intensive care minerals (magnesium, iodine, selenium, bicarbonate, sulphur, potassium) are used aggressively to improve cell metabolism, mitochondrial function, cell oxygenation and elimination of toxins and cellular wastes. Minerals matter, and they make excellent medicines for emergency and ICU departments. Magnesium, selenium, and bicarbonate are injected in the direst medical situations. Minerals can be used as powerful medicines to treat cancer and all other diseases.

And the list goes on!!  So why is the government not allowing Doctors to use this kind of care?  And why are we not permitted to share this kind of information?  It is not claiming anything, but it is something to try.   Diagnosis means an educated guess.  They are guessing that a vaccine will work, but there is no research, or is there?  Have they planned this all along, and we are the guinea pigs?  It makes me wonder!! How about you??

Another thing that doesn’t make sense, why are we allowing the government to take away our homes, our cars, our freedom of choice?  Why are they bankrupting the county over a flu type bug?  There were more deaths of the regular flu this year than the CV19. Doesn’t anyone else want to know why families are struggling to keep food on the table?  We have an immune system for a reason!!!  Right???

What is wrong with our great Country?!! We fought for our freedom from others who would have taken it, we had men and women who put their lives on the line to protect our rights.  Yet we are going to allow all that they sacrificed to end with this Virus!!?  REALLY are you all going to allow that to happen? What happened to all you Gun-toting people who were in arms when you heard they wanted to take your guns and rights away to bare arms.  NOW you huddle inside and hug your toilet paper?? What the hell is happening to America?!?!?

It is time to ask questions, it is time to stop watching the programmed news that tells only what it is paid to say.  It is time to stand up and protect our loved ones, our friends, our own very lives.  It’s so simple, so stand up and ask questions!  It is your God-given right!!

Benjamin Franklin wrote, “It is the first responsibility of every citizen to question authority.” So before we agree to serve in the military, before we voice support for a president or other government official, we must be willing to dissent. And I believe this can take the form of questioning authority.”

It is time to breathe the energy back into the people of the world.  It is time to stand up and take action and ask WHY! I have been asking why, and I am actively looking into everything that people are putting out there.  Do I trust a government that has me in lockdown, that is not telling me why and that keeps saying wait we have a vaccine coming?  HELL TO THE NO!!!!

I do not trust people who are killing and allowing loved ones to die horrible deaths!!  To use our loved ones against us is so nasty and vile!!

John CoffeyHe killed them with their love. That’s the way it is, all over the world, every day.

How dare they use the love we have for one another to make us fearful. For medicine that has shown not to work for centuries!! It is a profit that guides them, and I, for one, will not be one who runs with the crowd to be used as a guinea pig.  NOPE, I will take my chances and let my body do what it does best. Make antibodies to help me stay well!

I do not use western medicine and have not since 2008.  I was medically injured to the point of death, and I will not allow them to touch me! I will continue to study and give my body the things it needs to heal. Our bodies are remarkable!! We are a whole being, so we need to be treated as a whole.

I know that there is something much more significant on their agenda than this virus, and as a great warrior, I will be looking behind myself and keeping an eye out for the real reason we are being scared and fear-driven.  I can only hope that what I have expressed here will help others to do their own soul searching to ask Why and not just accept what they are given.

John Coffey Quotes. “I’m rightly tired of the pain I hear and feel, boss. I’m tired of bein on the road, lonely as a robin in the rain. Not never havin no buddy to go on with or tell me where we’s coming from or goin to or why.

Ask WHY!



Spirit says be yourself in all ways.

The news of Coronavirus had me in a terrible pickle here.  I have been in a quandary!  Let’s be honest here I have been a mess!

I being a Holistic Health Practioner as well as Reiki Master and now just added Life Coach to my Resume.

My knowledge of how to help heal the Mind, Body, and Spirit has been my life for many moons, as they say.  I live by a code of the west most westerners do not live by.  That might be because I live by Eastern medicine.  As I watched the underground news on what is happening, I found myself sucked into a world of horror and drama.  The information out there is being miss-used on both sides of the platform.  One is that this virus is man-made.  That is a fact, and most will want to disagree.  And that is perfectly okay.  Do I have proof?  YES YES, I DO!  Am I going to waste my time fighting and trying to prove it.  NO NO, I WILL NOT.  Even for some people, if you tell them that the sky is blue, they will still argue just to argue.  Some want to fight for every little limited belief thought they have ever been taught.

What started out as a blessing and awakening now has become a fight about who is right.  There is no right or wrong in this virus, there are only the lessons to be learned from it.  I am very saddened to see people who are taking this time and becoming more ignorant and trying to fight for their beliefs.  It is okay to have your own opinions just STOP PUSHING THEM ON TO OTHERS!!

I talked to Spirit last night, as my heart was heavy with all the ignorance all the fear and all the negativity that is being spread out there.  Even though we have a chance to stay at home and grow, others take to social media and continue to put content out that has no usefulness.  WHY?  Why do we feel the need to bash that which we have not taken the time to study and learn from??

Why is it seem that most people live by drama and the lack of common sense or the want and desire to do better for themselves?

As I asked these questions of Spirit, this is what she told me.  Stop taking on the world and trying to be its consciousness. That others need to learn the way they need to learn.  If people of the world want to create panic, distrust, conspiracy theories, drama, and the list goes on a mile long.  Who am I to tell them to do it differently.  If I take on the thought that I must make them think my way and try to help or move them from their path, into a different way of thinking, I am creating a considerable misdeed towards them.   I am robbing them from awakening, from making their own mistakes,  to eventually and hopefully find their own truths.

Spirit went on to tell me that I am where I need to be, I am safe and that where I have come from is helping me get to where I need to be.  I am living the best way I can for me. There is no one outside of me that knows better than what I need.  I was also told to unlike all news, social media, and So-called experts and stop listening to them.  What they are telling others to do is not right for others, it is only right for them!

I can tell you that after having this conversation with Spirit, my heart lightened, I felt like I could breathe again, I felt lighter and happier.  A weight of disharmony left me, and my house, the energy in my home, was lighter and brighter.  I slept for the first time since this virus came into existence for nearly 9 hours.  I woke up feeling at peace.

I learned from this past week that this virus, just like everything else in this world, is here to teach me how to defend, honor, love, protect, depend, and believe in just me.  People living and learning outside of me are learning at their own speed, from their own knowledge, and from their own beliefs.  Does that mean I am selfish and not helping?  NO, I am living and showing others how I do it.  If it sounds and feels useful to them, they will follow.  There is no right or wrong way, that is what I am learning!  That it is okay to allow others to create their day as they wish.  If they want to create panic, confusion, distrust, drama, distractions, and fear, that is their God-given right.  I have the choice of not being a part of their world. And that is perfectly okay!

I am happy today, I am not stressed or worried I am home, I am safe and I am doing the right things for me.  I know that loving myself unconditionally is a gift I give to others as well.  When you love and take care of yourself, you will send that positive love back into the world.

I hope you are creating the perfect day for yourself and not allowing what is going on outside of yourself to mess that up.


Women of the world this is your wake up call!!

  It has taken me a while to write since this Covid19 came out. I had no idea what to say. It seems so stupid to me. I have been watching as the world falls apart, my heart breaks at the untruths floating around out there. I woke up this morning, sending healing energies out there in this world. I got to thinking that even a positive thought can cause an enormous ripple effect. I also got to thinking why is our world such a mess, and it was like Spirit looked right into my heart, and I felt these words:

  I am calling all the women of the world, the healers, the teachers, the creators, the magic makers. We need the energies of all the women of this world we need your power to create.

 We are the ones who can heal this world. And the first step is to stop the followers, the crowds of fear mongers. We need to give back the power to the people! You do have the ability to heal!

My heart breaks at the fact that our world was taught to live in a constant fear-based lifestyle. We are a society of people who are trained to be lazy instead of creators. We are taught to rely on those who only want to make money from the shortcomings they have taught us we have. It has been going on for Centuries. 

You can say I am wrong, and that is fine; that’s your opinion, but let us look at what is going on right now in our world.  

We live in a world with more germs, more viruses, more bacterias then we can name or count, but can just one of these virus’s take our planet out. REALLY?? That doesn’t make any sense. Our human bodies are built to overcome anything if we give them the correct tools to heal. Yet we eat crap, take medicines that destroy the very fabric that holds us together.  

Hippocrates was born around 460 BC on the island of Kos, Greece. Hippocrates teaching Hippocrates held the belief that the body must be treated as a whole and not just a series of parts. He accurately described disease symptoms and was the first physician to accurately describe the symptoms of pneumonia, as well as epilepsy in children. He believed in the natural healing process of rest, a proper diet, fresh air, and cleanliness. He noted that there were individual differences in the severity of disease symptoms and that some individuals were better able to cope with their disease and illness than others. He was also the first physician that held the belief that thoughts, ideas, and feelings come from the brain and not the heart as others of his time believed. The heart center is where healing comes from.  

If all the diseases, germs, bacterias of the world could have wiped us out, we would never have been. Are we all walking corpses?

If this virus going around had any truth to it, then we all would have died over and over many times. 

Next, I have witnessed the CDC on the brink of going out of business many times. And each time they have created a pandemic of some sort to help them get the money they needed to keep themselves in business. How do I know, well there is history to prove this. To name a few from my past till present-day HIV, Ebola, and now Coronavirus. Doesn’t anyone else see these things?  

I am not into conspiracy theory, but come on guys look at their history! Look at our news, and our government, their stories are not even matching up. 

It’s a shame that we have no way of getting the facts unless we dive into the deep dark web where most have to hide. They are the ones who dive deep into the paperwork the videos that are being suppressed—those who know things that the government wants you not to find out. I live there most of the time, for I know that is where the truth will be. Who are these people, well look for them, go searching as I have. I think it is more believable if you take the time to find your truth. 

Those who want the fear, the drama, and those who seem to hate themselves wish to fight for the end of the world. There is no conversing with them. 

They will spread known lies that even the government has rebuked. Why would you want to destroy the world? 

These fear thinkers go out and buy up all the groceries that they don’t even need, the waste we will see at the end of this is heartbreaking. Why do you need to be selfish and buy up all the fresh produce, the frozen veggies? When you can’t eat it, and you throw it out, I hope you think of those who do not have the means or the want to do such stupidity. How wasteful! It is such a shame that our world is so disconnected from its heart.

It is a shame that the elderly will not have toilet paper or frozen or fresh foods because you allowed your limited beliefs to take over your heart sense!

So, women, I call to you, we are the makers, creators, we are the ones who have the energies to share and help heal our broken world.  

Women of the world we can take back the control with heart energy, that will help heal the wrongs of this world. I call you to stand up and show the world that there is no reason to stay in a fear-driven society. 

In our history, the man brought woman animals, wood, crystals, herbs, and she created food, clothing, natural medicine, and healed our people. We are the life-givers. We are the life-givers, and we need to stand up and lead our families once again. We have to power to create medicine once again, to feed our families, and to squash the fears being spread. 

Man has forgotten his position in a family, and no more does he protect his family, he knows not where he stands. Man has forgotten his place, to be the protector, and to help give encouragement to the woman and help her create.  

We, as a society, have been shown to rely on others instead of our thoughts, feelings, and power. 

We need to break free and trust in our gut feelings, we need to remember to love ourselves unconditionally, then and only then will the truth come out, and we will know where we stand once more. 

Instead of fear, we need to be given love and our power to heal back. You will remember, and you will know all, it has always been there!

Women, this is where you come in. When you find your strength, you help your family, your loved ones, the world. 

Men, you need to protect and help your women to find that power and strength to create, to love, to bring healing, to bring forth life in all forms. And men< the dividends you get back will blow your mind. 

Women of this world, you are perfect in all ways, you are beautiful, you are powerful, you are the bringers of life, you are the healers of this world. You have all the knowledge you need in your DNA. All that experience from your foremothers runs in your blood in your energy that is you. If you only believe in yourself in your importance, you can change this world. 

Wake up, put your arms towards the sky, and love yourself unconditionally.  

Today is the day we need you! 

Women of this world you are remarkable, find your Spirit-given gift, and remember you are a great creator; you are the image of our Spirit, you are life, you are our hope. WAKE UP WE NEED YOU!!




I sit here listening to the spring birds sing this morning.  To be reconnected to life and to once again feel as if I belong in a world full of mystery as well as conflict.  Many years have passed where I felt as if all I have done was just exist from one day to another. I lived with negativity and excepted that this was how it would always be.  NOT SO! There is no manual for this world, but there is an energy we can connect to that does help direct us in the right direction, but sadly it is too easy to get distracted and lose that very excellent guide.

I watch as others around me keep doing the same things and bitch when their life doesn’t change.  I am not being mean either.  It is true I have been there.  To keep doing the same action over and over and yet wonder why things will not change.  It took me getting active in my own life, to really be conscious of what I do every moment of the day.  Accidents happen when we stop paying attention to what we are doing.  If you allow the mind to stay on that same round track, you will continue to get the same results.

How I wish that I would have learned more about how to change the energies within myself.  I have been learning how to dowse with a pendulum and help remove the energies that are not compatible with my energies.  Those energies that we could be carrying from past lives even.  There is a wonderful man who works with the farmer to help them to move energies that are causing their crops to die or become infested with bugs.  He has helped farms where the cows, pigs, and sheep are sickly.   He moves the energy around in the barns and the fields that help attract the like energies that help to cure the land and the animals.

As energic beings, we are always being bombarded with energies from different sources.  Look at all the waves of energy in the air that moves around us. Our cell phones, our satellite dishes on the eves of our homes.  Energy even runs throughout the earth.  One of these energies is called seismic waves. Just as wind energy causes waves in the water to move across a lake or ocean, seismic waves move through the layers of the earth.  ( Oregon State University)

So I have found that energies from the human heart, the heart’s electromagnetic field is by the most powerful rhythmic field produced by the human body, it not only envelops every cell of the body but also extends out in all directions into the space around us.  The cardiac field can be measured several feet away from the body by sensitive devices as well as sensitive people.  So, in other words, your heart meets those around you before you consciously become aware of those around you.

How many times have you stood in a crowd and had a sense that you knew the person you made eye contact with, or a stranger tells you their life story?  We are already communicating before we become aware of it.

The same happens with nature, we are communicating with nature all the time.  That is why I will feel better just getting outside for a moment and listen to the birds or the wind blow through the trees.

As I work with my energies with the dowsing, I can find the energies that are not compatible or are not helping me to grow.  I have found that when I dowse with the pendulum, I can find those energies that are causing me to feel upset, anxious, irritable, and move them from my space.  I have been working on this for over a week, and I can tell you I see massive movement in the way I feel, am healing, and interact with others.

Dowsing has helped me feel more in control of how I react to outside forces that surround me.  I know I am an empathic person, so it is nice to be able to reset myself every day, and this helps me work with the energies of others.  It is like this, if you want a better life, a calmer life, a life of prosperity, and to create your own perfect day, you have to put in the time.  I love to learn how to use the nature of what we are.  Energy can affect so many different aspects of our lives.

Reconnecting with who you are is a beautiful gift! I am ever so grateful to have gone through all I have.  All the past struggles, all the heartbreak, all the joy, have brought me closer to knowing who I really am.  I have found my voice as well as my authentic self.  I honor, love, respect, and protect these things that are me.  Life doesn’t have to be a mundane thing.  Life is so much more than getting up and doing the same actions over and over.  I enjoy finding new ways to journey through this life. I am intrigued by all that we have access to, but we just have no idea is out there.  Having an open mind is really the key to reconnecting to who you are.  It takes courage to break from what you think you know.

Life is a journey to honor, love, protect, and respect, as well as to fight for.  I know that I am very blessed to be one of those who have awaken to this great Quest.  To become a warrior of healing energies and to help teach others how to heal themselves. I am but one in a group of courageous fighters with a voice for the human being.

How is your Quest going?


References: Excerpt from the publication: “Science of the Heart” by The Heartmath Institute pg20

Picture from FaceBook

My Journal

I was thinking today as I was having my one piece of toast with cashew butter, hemp hearts, carrot juice, and Chaga Tea, why do I post what I post?
I answered my question pretty darn quickly. I do it because I love to write and share, and I hope that it may help others.
When we share our stories, we share with others our vulnerability, our humility, and our humanity. It is what we have done since the dawn of time. Our ancestors drew pictures on cave walls; we have sand scripts, books, recordings, and blogs that tell us of stories from people of the past, present, and maybe the future. If you think about it, we all journal in some way.
My beliefs, my decisions, my heartfelt feelings I pour onto these pages, not for approval but to be able to look back and see where I have come from. And it seems from the comments I get that my words touch the heart of others. I believe everyone should journal their thoughts, their goal, their wants and desires, and in a few months or even the first of the year, go back and see what happen and how life changed.
My life has changed so much, maybe not on the outside for everyone to see, but deep in the nooks and cranes of my inner self. I write from that place, that deep dark center where most are scared to let others see.
But why would we feel that way?
As I sit and meditate, I find that I travel back to specific places in my past that don’t seem to have come out the way I had once seen. It is like I need to relive that memory, love the memory, and honor that memory. I feel like they were missed opportunities because of my limited thoughts and beliefs at that time.
I recently had one of those memories come up the other day.
I want to share the story with you.
It was about 23 years ago, and I was in a real low spot in my life. I was in and out of a very toxic relationship with my now ex-husband. I was fighting to be seen as an equal and not a useless piece of meat that had no feelings. I was coming from a place of fear of being a woman who felt like she was nothing and had no right to feel like she could be more than she was. He and I were like Oil and water and never could mesh well together.
We were not helping each other grow. We were tearing each other and our kids apart.
I found the ole AOL internet and got on some chat groups and loved that I could find like-minded people as well as some virtual hugs and support.
I do believe that spirit works through electronics just as she can speak from a book, a song, a breeze, or the sound of nature. She always speaks; we only need to awaken to her voice.
I do not believe that anything happens just by chance, all is meant to be, and we have the choice to either help it continues to grow or let it drift off and move on. Energy never dies; it moves on.
I found a great person who was having some hard times as well, but it wasn’t the hard times that brought us together; it was all that we had in common, and that energetic feeling that we had known each other many times before.
The feeling that we have lived many lifetimes together always comes to my mind.
I believe love can be so intense that it can cause fear. I believe love can travel from long distances and even throughout time and space.
Even though love is the best feeling in the world, the old stories of who we are or were can cause us distress and make us run away from the very things we want and wish for in fear.
As my relationship died with my ex, my heart blossomed from the love, acceptance, and the light energy that reminded me of a place I knew and cherished but was not able to get to yet. I know I come from a place of love I am love, and all things can change with love.
I believe we all come here having chosen the people the places as well as having choices as we experience this world. Life is intentions.
The energy we have feels like coming home from a long vacation; the times that we were able to spend together were both scary yet exciting.
I think that those feelings, like the soft kisses the cherished hand-holding, the heaven on earth energy, can become all too overwhelming for some. When we do not come from a place of self-love and trust as our foundation, we can come from a place of fear, limitation, and not from a place of unconditional faith and love from within.
It is easier to pull away and run when we feel out of control. It is hard to let go and flow with life as it ebbs and flows around us. Too soon does the limited thought and stories come in and take away the love and image we saw and wanted.
It is easier to allow fear to distract us from the gut instinct we were feeling. Once these limiting beliefs enter, we will enable the mind to tell us of misinformation, and we allow that energy to flow away.
Why do we run or sabotage ourselves from the love that challenges that which we are in belief of, that we think is right, but deep down, we know it is not? Why do we defend our fears and limitations?
I believe it is because we are taught not to trust our thoughts and feelings. It is easier to control those who do not believe in themselves.
Even though I still touch that love, I taste it lightly and then find that it ebbs once more. I don’t know why it will not grow? If I had to guess, it might not be me that won’t allow it to be. And there is nothing wrong with that. We are here to learn.
That is the one thing about this world that you can count on, that we are caught sometimes in the currents of other people’s energy waves. It takes two to nurture and help cultivate it.
We all have freedom of choice, so even though there is a heart to heart connection, it may not be how that part of my story continues. Who knows as the waves of life ebb and flow. That energy may continue to kiss and run, as my life goes on. And to be truthful, I am okay with that.
So tell your stories your ups and your downs, keep flowing with this life, and learn as you grow through these trials and tribulations. Life is always moving, and you can proceed with it or be left behind. There is no wrong or right. There is only being in that moment.

Oh, one thing more, I was asked how do I know these things to be true? Where do I get my information?
To answer your question, I get them from my heart, I get them from the energy that is me, and I hear from spirit as she speaks to me always. I only share my thoughts, my feelings my being.

These thoughts are my virtual journal.


The real you

I do believe that there were a couple of times in my life that I felt completely out of control.  I am sarcastic here! It is mind-blowing when you can say to yourself that it is okay not to have control over how others act or do things.  Is that not how life really is?

I can choose to be miserable, fat, depressed, angry, limited, controlled, and blame all my hardships on everyone and everything but me.  Right? How silly is that?!

My life is about me.  Short, sweet, and lovely! I have only myself to hold accountable, I am free to create my world, and yes, the universe will answer in kind.  I ask for what I want and let go of what I do not wish. I set my intentions for the day and allow my angels, spirit, and guides to help me achieve my goals.

I write down my goals now, and I keep my intention of helping them happen.  I work from my heart, and I allow my inner child to help me with my decisions.

I am learning how to love again and to allow others to love me.  NOW That is harder for me than how I am expressing this.  I have built a pretty high wall around myself.  I am breaking it down piece by piece.  I have found that I am very reluctant to allow others to get to close to me.  NOT that I stopped loving and caring, it’s just I am way more cautious in who I allow into my inner circle.

I am learning to embrace my wounds as well as trust in myself that I will not allow others to ever hurt me again.  I am learning that I will protect, honor, respect, and love myself always.  There was a time I gave my mind, my heart, and my physical being my hopes and dreams to others, hoping that they would love and heal the broken parts of me. Somehow I expected them to fill a hole I had. 

I know now that all they could do was come from a place of brokenness.  There was no way they would ever heal me completely.  When I looked for healing outside of myself, I became lost in the sea of broken souls.  There is not one of us who does not emerge from a state of hurt.  It took me a lifetime to find myself. Welcome to a world of pain and lessons. 

A Poem I wrote about finding myself:

I stepped up to the mirror and looked at the broken, sad girl, 

Her tears running down her face as she looked back at me.

There was heartbreak in each of those crystal tears that left a trail down her soft cheeks.

 I lifted my hand towards the mirror as if to touch her face,

She looked at my palm and then back up to my face. I stared deep into her eyes.

A smile spread across her soulful eyes, a light seemed to turn.

As I watched that light spread across her face.

I was hit by a wave of knowledge that reached my heart. All that I had forgotten came rushing forward like a cold December wind.

I had found the broken child I had left in the past.

I recognized her right away as that child that I had been, broken down, and forgotten.

  She had been waiting for me to come back. 

There isn’t a day I do not dance with her in the mirror, I share my trials, and tribulations with her, I wave at her when I see her in every window I walk past. I smile as I watch her grow and blossom with the love I give her. 

 I will never let her go. 

The loss of control was the one I had been taught. To not care for that person who I am that one who looks back at me and not knowing any better, I had pushed her away, fearing I would see the hurt I was running from. When we look deeper into the eyes of our soul, we have to face all that we have witnessed, be it good or bad.  When we look into the reflection that is us, we have to reach out and touch the pain that we carry.  It is not easy, but it is freeing.  

I love being honest with myself and can do nothing but be honest with myself.  I love my insecurities, my pain, my resentments, all those parts that I pretend away.  When I found the courage to look into that pool of infinity, that is me I found the genuine me. 

It may seem scary to see all the scars, all the things we pretend are not there.  But once I did, I could heal all that was keeping me from having the life I wanted. 

The scars and the hurts from the past start to fade as I took each memory and honor it.  It is only when I stopped running and looking for that love I wanted did I find it. 

I once told a friend that I thought I would never find that love I was looking for.  It was always there I was looking for my love outside of me instead of inside me.  

Welcome to this life of finding the love that we come from.  It is not easy but I am finding that I can make it worthwhile each and every day.


What I have learned from Lyme Disease

Each day is a challenge that I wake up welcoming some days, others, I would much rather pull the covers over my head and just sleep the day away.  It isn’t straightforward this world we live in.  It seems like every minute of the day, you see a new blog, post, or news story that shows you that this world seems to be out to get you.  NOT the world mind you but her occupants.

I often wonder why there are so many mixed emotions from one hour till the next.  I am bombarded with others’ likes and dislikes, this article and then that article, oh and let us not forget all the well-meant advice.  It makes one really want to run off into the woods and become a hermit.

As I walk through this valley of death, well, let me not get so dramatic.  But really, it does seem like we all walk through some kind of valley of darkness.  Now, if I had a choice and knew that I may come across one of these valleys’, I sure as hell would not go without a light.  It isn’t until I have made it halfway through, sat down, and cried that I find that little ray of sunshine to help me get through the rest of my journey for the day.

Life is not easy, but it has some easy ways about it sometimes.  So this got me to thinking.  What does my Lyme Disease have to show me, to teach me to help me?  I really can not say that it has been a blessing, but it has helped me to make my own health a priority.  There is so much misleading information out there, and Lyme is not like anything else out there, as there is not just one kind of Lyme.  Lyme comes with an army of co-infections.  There is no one fits all chemical treatment. I know that other illnesses are not helped by this approach, either.  Those who do make it to the other side of their illness only survived by sure will and love.  They also survived what chemical reaction that was given them by their own will to survive.  I do not believe in the use of medications alone.  Healing is a Whole Body, Mind, and Spiritual journey.

My Lyme has become a way of life, not that I really want to accept that, I would much rather this be a mind over matter thing.  I would much rather will it to go away or find that one magical way of curing this, but that isn’t the way life works is it?  I know of some very well intention holistic health practitioners that say that it all comes down to belief.  But do they really believe that? Or is that what they have told themselves and want others to think?   How would they know it is a mind over matter thing if they have never dealt with what others are going through.

I once reacted the same way to others’ plight, which is totally unfair, to take their feelings and make them trivial.  How dare anyone tell you that you should feel this way instead of that way!!

I have tried going to that extreme of changing my belief that I can control how I react to this disease, I have even tried to forget I have it.  I would end up suffering extreme pain and awful digestive issues.  I have learned from trial and error that I have to be very diligent with myself as a whole, or I suffer significant consequences for my actions. There comes a time when mind over matter is more harmful than accepting and being loving towards yourself.

I have come to an awakening that I will never know it all, that I do not have to be perfect and that it is okay to love the parts of me that are broken.  Am I broken, though, or is this one of those things I was meant to experience while here on this earth plane? I came here naked and afraid, I got no booklet on how this life would be.  So how the hell can I judge myself or let others judge me when non of us have a freaking clue what one day will hold from the next? At best, it is a guessing game, and we are here to do the best we can. To stand the line and love yourself is your only choice!

So My Lyme Disease is teaching me how to honor, love, respect, protect, and be humble in this world. I am learning how to love my challenges, my victories, and my defeats.  I am learning to draw boundaries and love myself each and every minute of the day.  Lyme is teaching me to let go of others’ well-meant advice and find my own truths.  I celebrate the days I can get up and do all that I wish, I honor myself when I can only sit and wait for a better moment to come.  There was a time I pushed myself no matter what I was dealing with. And didn’t love me for being the best I could be at that moment, and there are some days I still do that and dishonor who I am because I have listened to others.

So my best advice to myself, question everything!! Also to listen to me with no judgment or preconceived thoughts from outside sources.  It really does come down to shutting out the world and listing to your own heart and intuition.  And even though this may feel foreign, it will become more comfortable with practice.  The biggest thing Lyme has taught me is that the more I am in an eternal struggle with myself, the worse I feel.  The more I listen to others, the more harm I do to myself.  I can only trust and live by my own intuition and belief, so I better be one with myself.

Whatever it is that you may be struggling with or dealing with, remember that it is really a teacher.  The faster you can come to recognize that, the quicker you will be able to make this situation a blessing.  Until next time, remember to trust in your process and your guidance. You are never alone.




Little wars inside

This past week I have had to deal with a couple of significant issues in my healing journey.  It is effortless to slide back into our prior beliefs, and this causes problems with our lives.  Why I have slipped back into my old ways, I really can’t tell ya? Old habits are hard to break, Maybe?

As I have been working on changing my mindset, my old beliefs, and working to replace my old ways, I found myself in an internal struggle with myself.  It is easy to have happen.  Life is always a balancing act, if one goes gun hoe in one direction, they can count on failing.   Life is checks and balances.  The most important being that you balance your life every day.

Where I went wrong was that as I get to feeling better, I want to do the same things I did before I knew I was sick. That old thought of being the concurring hero, which usually throughs me to the ground.  I also get too big for my undies and think I know it all.  NOPE, life has a way of humbling the arrogant fool.  Lyme Disease has been a great teacher in how humble I can become.

Lyme Disease is a war every day in my body.  There is no battle plan, there is no way of knowing what I will face each day.   Having Lyme is like waking up to an ever-ending war.  These are some of the issues I face with Lyme Disease each day.  One day I can digest a particular food the next I can not.  Lyme Disease affects the digestive enzymes in my body.

One day I wake up feeling fantastic, but in a couple of hours, I will have severe pain all over my body, be extremely tired as well as depressed and angry for having to go through all this upheaval.

My hormones are up and down all the time, there is nothing I can do but be kind and gentle as my body fights to find balance.  Every Childhood illness I have ever had can come back because my immunity is in a constant struggle.  My emotions affect my state of health.   I sleep some night others; I am wide awake with anxiety and panic attacks. I am in a continuous battle with your mind, body, and spirit.

I can expect at least one or all of these symptoms every day: Headaches, cold sores, aches and pain in my joints and muscles, brain fog, digestive issues, food sensitivities, hair loss, and hormonal upsets.   It is like getting up and spinning a wheel of fortune.

Now that I gain some understanding of the ways Lyme works and how it affects the body, I can better understand why one minute I am happy and go lucky and others, I am angry and frustrated.  It is hard to be happy and feel so good one moment and then to suffer from a barge of awful symptoms, wondering what the hell I did to cause them.

I am finally leaning after many hours of research that it is not something I have done, it is the disease that has taken over my body. There is no reason to hate this disease. In fact, I am learning that it has been changing my lifestyle to better myself.

So out of desperation, and hours of research I have learned that the best way to combat this war going on inside of me,  is to send myself all the love and support I can all the time.  I changed my diet, my cleaning products, my personal care products, and set out to make my home a clean and protective environment.

I have to power to create the space I need to get well or at least to go into remission. Even though I was never taught how to treat myself with gentle, kind, respect, and love, I am learning how to do that now.  It is never too late to start over!

This is the worst thing one can do to themselves, weather fighting an illness or not, is to think that they can not change.  This life is not a race; there are no winners here, we all finish at the same winners’ circle.

When I get ahead of myself and start to try and live up to the expectations of what I was taught, I have to stop.  When my mind is working overtime, trying to tell me I am not enough or worthy of being taken care of, I have to STOP.  There are so many old programs and beliefs that we play over and over in our minds.  When I get caught up in one of those thoughts of what I should do,  the way I should be, I find that I fall back into a place of chaos, judgment, and despair.

When I do fall into these mind traps<, there is a way I find my way out.

I have been working on trusting my emotions. I stop so I can regroup and come at my situation from a loving place.  The most significant help is stating what I do want, not what I do not want.  Life is a battle, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Lyme has taught me how to be kind, loving, respectful, and honor my life journey.  As I am learning my pains, emotional upsets, setbacks are meant to help me to stop and look at what is going in myself.

I hope that each moment you are looking into that mirror, you are telling yourself how f***ing great you are.   You are perfect, and you are right where you need to be at this moment.  That doesn’t mean that there is not more to come. It is just that you are where you need to be at that time.  Become grateful for all you do and are.

Photo by Sara Shakeel: Follow her on Instagram, you all!


Your one of a kind

Hey, short blog today.  I  just wanted to remind you that you are one of a kind, there is no one like you out there.  There are millions of us humans, but we are all different, and that is so awesome!  Think about it; each day you wake up, you get to share that special that is you.  There is always a new day to begin again.  How GREAT is that?!!

Today as I was waking up, I repeated the oath I try to say every day. I promise to honor, respect, protect, and love you above all things on this earth.  It may sound narcissistic to some, but really, it is for the betterment of all those around me.   Because if I don’t put myself first, then I get hurt, angry, depressed, and that isn’t going to help no one out. If I am in a state of drama, how the heck am I going to help anyone out there?

Every day is a Brand New Day, and I get to create that day into anything I want, but if I start out with all the past hurts, anger, and depression, how can I have any hope of creating a positive day?

You are unique, and you have a brand new day to make it anything you wish.  There is only one reason to stay the same, and that is lazy to me, and that is your right and your decision, but how boring is it staying the same?

So I suggest you get up, go find a mirror or better yet go find a beautiful spot in your world and make a promise to yourself.

Say to self: I promise__Your Name here__  To protect, honor, respect, love, and be there for you every second of the day, I promise to put you first before anything on this earth so help me Spirit!

Have a great start to your new day, you wonderful One of a Kind!!